Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Raindrop Reflections/Revelations/(Ramblings)

You know that perfect stay-in-and-watch-movies kinda weather? Today is just that in Northern California. However, it gave me the urge to get out. I'm not out for a hike or a swim or anything, but I am doing my own rainy weather exploration... (Apologies in advance for the ramblings- I have no idea what I'm about to write about and it probably won't interest you in the slightest, but here it goes...)

I love cafes. I get this strange thrill when I discover a new place that offers a cozy atmosphere, noteworthy coffee, possibly a unique/healthy menu, and of course, free wi-fi. It's embarrassing to say, but I often google cafes in surrounding areas and make mental notes to try some out in the future. Well, I figured today is the perfect day to "get out" and do just that, and I knew exactly which surrounding area I was going to google. A couple weeks ago, my aunt took me to this amazing sushi restaurant in Benicia, called Matsuri. Besides the wonderful dining experience, I couldn't get over how adorable downtown Benicia was. So here I am, at Java Point Cafe, just a couple blocks from the water's edge, with my GIANT mug of coffee* and time to take a breath and write. I am a happy, happy girl.
*I still forget how much bigger everything is here in the states. I mean, this is a German stein-size mug of coffee. Soy mocha to be exact. And it was only $4! I also still think in terms of Australian prices, which is good b/c everything seems cheap to me, which in turn is bad b/c I tend to spend more money than I have. I digress.

Although I am still definitely in a limbo stage of life, I am very happy. I have no job, no house or car of my own, no money, no man... and yet, I'm smiling. A lot. I've realized that it's because of where I am (in every sense) and the quality of the people in my life. It's good to put a finger on this because honestly, I was a little perplexed as to why my mood has been so elevated since I'm kind of bored and anxious to get out of limbo (patience really isn't a virtue of mine).

If you read my "Evil Twin" entry about my frustrations with indecisiveness, you'll be happy to know that I have embraced my Geminian counterpart. Times are tough right now. I've spoken with many people who are searching for jobs, have recently been laid off, or are struggling in their own way. I now see myself as lucky to not have one profession in mind. I think I'd be good at many different things so I'm continuing to keep an open mind, throwing myself out there and whatever bites is meant to be (at least for now). I'm excited to see what fate has in store.

I'm also really happy to be up in the bay area, which is reassuring since I came up here based on my gut and without any form of a concrete plan. (I do miss Sydney every day; it almost hurts. So I just don't think about it too much.) I am an independent person and can be very content on my own (hence why it's possible for me to pick up and go to a random foreign country), but it is amazing the change I feel being in close proximity to the majority of people I know and love. I get to see and talk to my closest friends on a daily basis; a luxury I haven't really had since college days. I have also reconnected and reestablished friendships I hadn't realized I was missing so much.

In addition to the people in my life, people out of my life also contributes to this new energy and happiness. I have recently experienced an emotional breakthrough: I am finally over 'the ex.' I have persistently tried to convince myself of this, but despite my persuasive abilities, the heart won't budge until it's ready. Perhaps not knowing when it will be ready is some form of cruel and unusual punishment for ever falling in love. Now, I'm happy to say, my heart is finally on a level playing field with my head. It is still hard for me to understand the idea of someone who was once the most important person in your life can all of a sudden not exist in your life, but somehow I can accept it. And I'm so glad I have because I feel the difference; it's like I'm constantly exhaling, releasing all things unflattering about myself and toxic in my life. Hello peace of mind.

Speaking of breakthroughs, the sun has finally Red-Rovered it's way through those intimidating rain clouds. Time to go outside...

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